


Like Old Times

by OnceUponaSwanQueen



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:14:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29957361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnceUponaSwanQueen/pseuds/OnceUponaSwanQueen
Summary: Quinn knew her, maybe better than anyone. (Set during "Sexy")
Relationships: Quinn Fabray & Santana Lopez, Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce
Kudos: 14





	Like Old Times

**Author's Note:**

> Written and set during 2x15 "Sexy". Originally posted on LJ. Since this is written before "Born this Way", it works on the assumption that Quinn always lived in Lima, and always went to school with the rest of the Gleeks. Also Santans's backstory is way more messed up than in the show, and I am mostly sorry about that. 
> 
> And this is part of my want of moving all my fanfic to one place.

Hey, Santana, wait up!”  
  
Santana turned around, rather surprised when she realized that it was Quinn who was talking to her. Sure, she and Quinn were still friends, or at least on the surface, but they hadn’t talked outside of Cheerios or Glee since baby-gate. It was strange, Quinn used to be her one constant and now she couldn't even remember how to talk to her anymore. Santana knew it was mostly her fault, the way she had treated Quinn when she was pregnant and even when they returned to school this fall. She knew Quinn had been through something _big_ and all she could think about was being head cheerleader and how Quinn was taking that from her.   
  
“What do you want, Q?” She asked with her usual snark  
.  
“Just want to talk” Quinn said, and smiled at her in a way that Santana had forgotten that Quinn was capable of. She hadn't seen it since Freshman year, since before Finn and before the baby and before being on top was the most important to both of them.   
  
"About what?"  
  
“Glee Club..” she started, before hesitantly adding, “you and Brittany at Glee Club.”  
  
“I don’t want to talk about it, okay Q?” Santana brushed her off.  
  
It had been hard trying to convey what she felt to Brittany to then have Berry all up in her business. It wasn’t Berry’s business, it wasn’t Quinn’s business. It was all about her and B. Like always.  
  
“You shouldn’t care about what Rachel says, San.” Quinn said.  
  
“What makes you think I care about what Berry thinks? I don’t even like her.” Which was the truth, Santana couldn’t stand the loud, annoying midget. She only put up with her because the girl had an amazing voice.  
  
“I know you, San. I’ve known you since you were 5. What she said after your song got to you. I could tell. You think you are all stone faced and cold, San. But you are not. Not when it comes to her.”  
  
Santana knew that the her, Quinn was referring to wasn’t Berry. It was Brittany. Quinn did know her. Possibly better than anyone, maybe even better than Brittany. Because Brittany had to ask if Santana loved her. Quinn had always know that there was something more to her relationship with Brittany. Santana had never given much thought to why Quinn always seemed to understand what she was thinking, sometimes even better than she could. Santana didn't have to tell Quinn anything, she just always _knew._  
  
“Fine!” Santana said, and dragged Quinn into the closest empty classroom. “Talk.”  
  
Quinn looked at her, long, with understanding eyes that Santana hadn’t seen in a very long time. That little touch of who Quinn used to be, back before boys and cheerleading and being in control mattered more than her friendships. Before she'd had a baby she had to give away, before Santana had turned away the only friends she'd really had (Brittany didn't count, Brittany and her had always been something else, something that scared her to death). She looked the same way she did the first time she told, not asked, told Santana that she was in love with Brittany. Santana thinks they might have been ten, and while she hadn't denied it. She couldn't, not then. She didn't even realize that it was wrong yet, that loving Brittany was something she was going to have to hide someday. They were kids and Brittany S. Pierce was the most beautiful girl she'd ever seen, even more than Quinn.   
  
“So, if you don’t care about what Berry says, why did you run and hide?” Quinn asked, and despite how tedious their relationship was, how much had happened in the last two years, all the rumors, and fighting and everything that shouldn't have hurt as much as it did. Despite all that, Quinn asked and as always Santana answered.   
  
“I didn’t run! I sat down on the stool and listened to Shue try to explain why Journey might be our best shot at Sectional..again.”  
  
“San, he wasn’t talked about Journey. He was talking about THE journey. Of Glee Club. Like we did last year when we thought it was over. He thought that maybe it would be a good idea to find something that would convey that to the judges, and Rachel wanted to plug her original song idea again”  
  
“Oh..”  
  
Santana had to admit, she hasn’t paid much attention to what Mr. Shuester was saying. She had only caught the words, Journey, Sectionals and Rachel. She was too busy thinking about Brittany. Her and Brittany; Her and Sam. Brittany and Artie. Her and Brittany. Brittany’s warm lips on hers. How Brittany was everything.  
  
“You love her right? Like the ball over the fence kind of thing?”  
  
Santana knew that Quinn tried to remember the reference, but didn’t quite get it but she got the picture. That real kind. The one that you know is just right.  
  
“Maybe.” Santana said, paused, “Yes.”  
  
That whole song had been about making Brittany understand that she loved her. Wanted her. That her life was about Brittany. Always had been about Brittany. Every important decision she had ever made had been about Brittany.  
  
“I am not going to let it go this time, San. You can’t go back to throwing mud balls at Rachel this time. It’s destroying you, San. You might not see it, but I do. I know that this bitch is not you. It you, hiding. Hiding from her.”  
  
“So, what? What am I supposed to do about it? I can’t change _anything_. It’s always there, Q. Always.”  
  
Santana damned the tear she knew was falling quietly down her check. She damned Quinn Fabray for getting to her. She damned the day that she laid her eyes on that beautiful blond with the blue eyes that would change her life forever. She damned Lima for being such a conservative town. And she hated herself for hiding.  
  
“You are supposed to tell her, San. Take a risk. Jump with her both feet first and hope that you’ll land safely on the other side.”  
  
Quinn smiled, and wiped away a tear. Just like she’d done that time in 5th grade when Puck had shoved her of the swings and she had hit a rock, and it had hurt like hell. Just like the time Thomas Hendrickson had called her a slut, sending Santana crying into the bathroom in 7th grade. Like the time her father left, and Santana cried for a week before Quinn came by.  
  
“What if I can’t, Q? I am not brave enough. I am scared.”  
  
There it was the actual truth. She was scared to death. Not of Brittany, not even of her feelings. She was afraid of rejection, of the talks. She was afraid of change. She was afraid that everything she'd worked so hard for would disappear. She'd already quit the cheerios for fucking glee club. Her standing was already on shaky ground and she knew it. Just one tiny pebble was enough to tip the scales, and being _gay_ wasn't a pebble, it was a goddamn boulder.   
  
“You’re everything in this school, Santana. What are you afraid of?” Quinn asked, sincerely. Santana did have the entire school at her feet, even the jocks were afraid of her.  
  
“How fast I can lose that. Quinn, you know better than anyone that the queen status can be gone as quick as it comes. And what will I have then?”  
  
Quinn looked at her, with familiarity in her eyes. With the same pain as she’d seen a thousand times before, like the first time Derek cheated on her in 8th grade, like the first time she’d found her mother passed out drunk on the couch, and called Santana for help because Quinn was sure she was dead in 5th grade. Quinn had been her one constant, until high school happened, until she slept with Brittany for the first time and realized just what that meant. How kissing Brittany felt like coming home, and she'd never felt like that with a guy. She'd started to build an army, something to protect her, to keep her safe. To keep Brittany safe. Except Brittany didn't need it. She kissed girls just for fun, and she never understood what it meant. Not really, not like Santana with her single mother and her catholic background. Santana was terrified of her tower falling down, and she didn't even know why anymore.   
  
“You’ll have her, Santana. And if we are going to be completely honest, isn’t that really what you always wanted? Does the rest of it even mean anything to you?”  
  
“What if she doesn’t want me? What if she walks away? What if she doesn’t love me?”  
  
Santana was fragile. Not many people knew that. Actually only two people knew that, Brittany and Quinn. Her father leaving had left her with scars deeper than even she understood most of the time. That underlying feeling that no one would ever love her, so why should she take the chance. She used guys for that exact reason. She didn’t want to fall in love. She didn’t want to take the chance of being left alone again. That’s why she left them. But Brittany… she was different. Santana couldn’t leave her. She’d tried, oh, how she had tried, when she first realized that what she felt for the girl went deeper than friendship, even deeper than love. It was deeper than everything she’d ever felt. So she’d fled. Told Brit they couldn’t be friends anymore and left. It had taken her exactly 3 hours, 34 minutes and 17 seconds before she was outside Brittany’s door telling Brittany that she didn’t mean it and that they would be best friends forever. Brittany had hugged her, and Santana had kissed her for the first time. She’d been completely gone ever since.  
  
“I can’t lose her Quinn. I’d rather have her a little bit, then losing her all together. What if we can’t endure it? What if the bullying gets to bad? What if we break? What if I break? I need her.”  
  
Santana knew it wasn’t fair. Not to herself, and especially not to Brittany. She kept leading her on. Telling her that she wasn’t cheating on her boyfriend because the plumbing was different which made no sense. But she needed Brittany, she needed to hold her, she needed to hear Brittany laugh. Brittany was what made her whole. So if she was selfish, and an coward by not telling her. By not telling anyone that it was Brittany she wanted. No one else. It’s never been anybody else.  
  
“She won’t go anywhere, San. She is your best friend. “  
  
Quinn took her hand, just like she had done that time she’d found Santana crying behind the tool shed after her mom had caught her and Brittany making out and told her that it was wrong and thrown Brittany out.  
  
“Look at me.” Quinn lifted Santana’s face and looked right into her eyes, “everyone says its better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all. Honestly, I think that’s a bunch of bullshit because it hurts a whole lot more to lose something you loved. But sometimes, just sometimes that’s a risk you have to take.”  
  
The touch of Quinn’s hand on her face startled her. Quinn hadn’t touched her face since the night Santana had showed up crying on her doorstep because Dave had attacked her behind the bleachers and she’d only gotten away because Sue had heard something.  
  
“Santana. One day it’s going to be too late. One day, Brittany might be gone for good. You know her, she loves with everything she gets, and at some point she will realize that she deserves better than the crumbs you've given her. If you never tell her, San, you will lose her. Maybe she’ll always be your best friend, but can you live with that? Can you live the rest of your life being just Brittany’s best friend when you’ve always wanted her to be your everything?”  
  
Quinn knew her. Quinn had always known her. Since the day they were five, and Puck had pulled her ponytail and called it stupid, and Quinn had stood up and told Puck he was an idiot. She’d been her best friend since she shared her lunch with Santana in 2nd grade when her parents had been too busy arguing to make her lunch. Santana knew she could trust her ever since she cried in her arms about how her sister killed her abusive boyfriend and never told anyone. Quinn had always been there when something was wrong. They’d picked up each other’s pieces and glued them back together.  
  
“No, I can’t.”  
  
Santana hugged her, like she had done the first time Quinn had showed her the right path when she was lost. She hugged her like she had done before. She whispered “thank you” before leaving. Hoping that maybe someday, they could go back to before again.


End file.
